profit86

Profit:
I'm doing stand-up, how do I get famous fast?

Colin Smith:
Networking. It's not how good you are, it's who you know.
Make friends - make many friends. Get your face known.

Profit:
And what would happen if I have more fame than talent?

Colin Smith:
Training is the other important element. An actor's training is NEVER done.
Take New York actors - if they're not rehearsing or doing their dayjob or in a show,
they're training.
There's always more to learn, always new ways to be better.
For some actors though, fame is all they want. The real talent work at their craft all the time.

Profit:
Uh... you're right, it's the same with comedians, we're either rehearsing in our heads or
coming up with new funny stuff. The training never stops. Got it, thanks again matey.

Not many people know this about me, but I absolutely love movies about fictitious rock bands.

These are my favorites:

1. Josie & The Pussycats (2001)

2. The Rocker

3. Bandslam

Tenancious D would have made this list but Jack Black annoyed me in the movie.

This was the year I took back my life and made everything happen.
At least the stuff I've been talking about.

1. Wrote a play, got it produced.
2. Got my Lasik surgery done, perfect eyesight.
3. Got into stand-up comedy.
4. Changed the strategy for my software company, freed up a lot of my time.
5. Started the company I really, really want to run.

and now... liposuction

I feel truly liberated and happy inside. It's a quiet joy.

Profit.

http://sg.news.yahoo.com/afp/20090809/tts-italy-saudi-crime-people-509a08e.html

Burglars steal $15m from Saudi princess

ROME (AFP) - - Burglars made off with jewels and cash worth 11 million euros (15.6 million dollars) from the hotel room of a Saudi princess in Sardinia, Italians newspapers reported Sunday, sparking a diplomatic incident.
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"The thieves used a master key. In 10 minutes at dinner time, without making any noise, they managed to remove the safe from a suite occupied by the Saudi princess," who was not named, the daily La Stampa reported.

The safe was only fixed with silicon to the wall into which it was embedded, it said.

According to the daily La Repubblica, the burglary sparked a diplomatic incident.

"A military official from the Saudi embassy arrived in Sardinia and the Italian secret services and diplomats from both countries have been involved."

A Moroccan businessman also had his room burgled in another luxury hotel on the Costa Smeralda, the most chic resort area on the island, where Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi also owns a luxury villa.

Using a similar technique, thieves pulled the safe out of the wall and got away with around 150,000 euros worth of jewels and money.

Both burglaries were carried out this week. The two hotels belong to the same chain, Iti Hotels.

Investigators suspect they were the work of an expert gang, probably from abroad, helped by someone with inside knowledge, who had worked in both establishments.

A third burglary was carried out in a hotel in Portofino, on Italy's northwest coast, where a German businessman had the safe stolen from his room, containing a million euros worth of jewellery and 3,000 in cash, according to Il Corriere della Sera.

A bunch of stuff Profit believes.

1. I believe there is a larger, invisible part of
ourselves that controls and runs "chance" events
from "behind the scenes". This Director looks out
for us in the best possible way unless we send
him/her the wrong instructions.

The Ancients referred to it as one's Higher Self.

2. I believe humans were actually orginally
designed by the Zeta Reticulans to be a slave race.
This would largely explain why human beings are
good with tools.

3. I believe phonetics and laughter are gifts from
Angels to leapfrog humans into a higher level of
evolution and advancement.

4. I believe in karma. Hence, all debts must be paid
regardless. I believe all things owed someone will
be eventually collected by that person.

5. I believe there is a civilization in the centre
of the Earth known as Agartha. It is populated
by an evolutionary splinter group of humans now
known as the Agarthians.

6. I believe there is a tree that stretches throughout
Creation known as Yggdrasil, the World Tree.
A squirrel, Ratatosk, runs along the World Tree
learning of events and whispers these secrets to
whoever wishes to know.

It probably exists on the Astral Plane.

7. I believe the future can be predicted with some
certainty. I believe I can do this with some
capacity.

8. I believe the Universe responds to our thoughts
and largely gives us what we want.

9. I believe there some people on this earth who are
roughly 20,000 years old and don't look a day over
25. I believe they want to be left alone.

10. I believe anti-gravity aircraft have been built
and tested in secret. I believe the technology
was stolen from the Roswell crash.

11. I believe there is a God of Creation. The same God that breathes
life into everything. The godspark within us all. The All-in-all.

12. I believe there are some manifestations of the old gods.
Known more accurately as Bodhisatvas, these Advanced Beings probably
have their own agenda (evolution) and may (or may not) see it
in their interests to help advance (occasionally) humanity.

A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way.

This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

... updated.

Much Ado About Cumming
Much Ado About Humping
King Leer
A Midsummer Night's Wet Dream
A Midsummer Night's Wet Ream
A Merchant of Penis
Dick III
Hairy V
Antony and Cleopatra (make a porno)
Romeo & Julie's Wet.
Othello (When You Go Black...)
Taming of the Screw
The Desperate Housewives of Windsor
Flaming of the Screw (Sequel)

This Shakespeare guy can write, but he didn't appear in his own plays.
I wonder why so many literature teachers talk about him like he lives next door to them.

Co-authored by Shalm.

Officially, "Gay" is a far far worst insult than "Fat".

Nobody really minds being called "fat", but "gay" is just a downright
cut-to-the-bone insult upon your masculinity/feminity and must be met
with nothing less than a hammer to the skull.

Example:

"Dude, that hat is just so gay."

"Dude, that shirt is just so damn gay."

"Dude, you're gay."

Notice to anyone with an IQ less than your height in centimeters:

The above are fighting words and uttering them is asking to be murdered in your sleep.